I love that we set aside a whole day to honor and celebrate the women who raised us. My mom is an amazing mother who taught me and my brother that a strong woman can raise a family, have a career, and be an incredible support system for her sisters and our entire family. She showed me every day what a loving relationship is with my dad. They have been married 55 years! My mom is the most generous, selfless, yet strong, and the most beautiful woman I know. Mother’s Day holds a special place in my own heart because I have four amazing kids. I brought one into our blended home and have three amazing bonus kids who made me a better mom. I continue to learn from them every day while I still look for guidance and “you can do it” pep talks from my mom.
I do have to remind myself every day that I am enough. I think at times all moms get this insecure feeling of “I’m not doing enough.” I feel spread thin and I know that alone time with each child is also as important as family time. Every child is different and needs me on a different level. I also recognize that I rely on each one at individual stages throughout the day.
Parenting is extremely difficult and overwhelming; it is even more so now in the digital age. The biggest issue my mom had was how to divide the back seat in half on long road trips and if we were going to play “eye spy “ or “what am I?”. Now it’s a debate of how many hours of “tech time’ they get, the instant gratification, or even sometimes the ungrateful mentality; some of which is my fault. I have to rethink how I navigate this new world of iPhones, iPads, computers, play stations or “apparatuses” as I call them.
Personally, I love being away or outside of the house with the kids. Just being outside or going to a park, on a hike, a bike ride or a trip is all quality time. Being in the house can be difficult because I find myself working, cleaning, cooking, reminding them to look at the chore list, walk the dog, clean up and I then not being present. It’s tough at times, but I love watching them all grow up at different stages and my favorite sound is them laughing. So I embrace the crazy messes, their individuality, and even the teaching moments.
When I am at home these feelings of “not doing enough” would find their way into my mind. There is no balance in being a mom. For me the word balance is not realistic and frankly balance is stagnant. I think of a teeter totter not moving. Balance can be inactive. I like the off- balance moments the best. Having so much to do, add another activity, or another drop off and pick up. I thrive under pressure.
I miss my eldest son because I feel he doesn’t need me. I remember when he loved me to the universe and back and that his heart felt like it was exploding because “mom I love you further than Pluto is and that’s how big I love you”. Now, I get “love you”, when he walks out the door, car keys in hand and drives to school, his work, and hockey practice. I miss him needing me. I have two middle boys that keep me on my toes and teach me something new every day. I have a daughter who I get to sing our little song every night, the same one that my mom used to sing to me before bed. She is my brightest light!
The details have always mattered to me, especially when it comes to my kids. I celebrated a birthday recently and although their homemade cards all had their own personalities, there was a common sentence. “Thank you for taking care or me.” It was in every card. Some cards were funny, cute, and witty, but each unique and equally as special but they all had that common sentence. If they only knew that it is them who take care of my heart because it would be empty without them. They are my heart, my happy, my challenges, my frustrations, my world. I wish I was more patient. In my whirl wind life, they are my circus, my zoo, my memory makers and also my peace. I can only hope that I can be half as good of a mom as I have. Each day I hope to make my mom and my kids proud.
I hope you feel loved and STELLARBRATED today, tomorrow, and every day, but most importantly this very special Mother’s Day.
