 london diary 1.2.01 Arrival-- Once again, I, fully myself, perch like a nervous bird, now arrived. Neither fully here, nor fully there, I, 23, view this curious world, this curious breath. Yes, I, woman child, neither fully awake, nor fully asleep-- I, arrived, am fully experiencing. On Transition Moving to another country, indeed, another continent, in order to find ones self is a curious thing. It is an experience weighted with expectation, hope, blind belief. Having to put all of one's faith in ones self would seem to be an easy formula for disappointment. However when the major transition proves itself to be about as shocking as traveling to the new mall across town, and about as familiar as a cup of Starbucks coffee; it is hard to maintain the opinion that exotic local is a surefire way to relieve oneself of thos pesky idiosyncrasies in one's personality. To jump from the abstract to the personal, I would have to say that my faith in myself has been shaken, not by an inter- continental move, but by my understanding of my self as Christine, today the same girl as I was just three weeks ago. Today, I still get belligerent in pubs after a few pints. I still don't look both ways before crossing the street. And whether or not traffic is coming from left or right, I am still almost run over on practically a daily basis. So what does one do when life altering changes prove themselves to be not quite immediately life altering? My suspicion is that one waits. That you must put aside expectation and hope, and instead treasure the small ways in which your personality, your character must stretch to accommodate those new modes of living. Therefore you give up looking right towards oncoming traffic and instead look left, doing so in the hopes that perhaps in this subtle glance a knowledge will burrow itself into your being and lie dormant, waiting for the practice to become perfect, yes, waiting for the day when in having to give up such a simple expectation you will better be able to give up other, more profound expectations. And indeed, you wait for the day when you are confronted by true challenges to your beliefs and hope that when these challenges stare you in the face that you can stare back with confidence and understanding, adapting to such roadblocks with a grace gained from your practices of small stretches, yes, stretches of being. |
London's
Calling Livin', Lovin' and Wailin' On... Back in London May 15 April 2 March 5 January 16 January 2 December 27
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