february 2001 2.28.01 this morning's words from joseph: My favorite chair is a rocking chair. Yours is? My favorite chair....... My favorite chair broke last night as i was rockin in it, what i thought was carefully, happily rockin away, maybe my puppy was on my lap, maybe not, i looked back, and i was suddenly flying backwards to the floor. It was all in slow mo by now, sadness crept through me. Its dead now, the chair that is, it is unrepairable, so many parts, so many fractures and it makes me sad. I left it the way it broke, and walk over it, like i felt like it needed some respect paid to it. I bow my head in its honor when i get near the remains. I loved the chair. It never made it to that porch in my mind where it could feel rain and wind, bask in the sunlight, laugh and smile and rock away. I loved that chair. 2.26.01 i think everyone i know has a ton of shit going on in their lives. i have a knack for inviting this kind of stuff into my life. it is tough to exist, to be young, to grow, and to experience and the only thing we can really do is allow time to pass and have faith. my words are jumbled as usual, but i know i have the ability to wake up tomorrow with a clear head, at least temporarily. i wish to bestow the gift of clear thought to those that i love, so that they might feel at peace...if only for a moment. i have been set free and i just needed to be reminded that i was always free. 2.25.01 i think today will be another movie day. i have already outlined my plan of attack. they are going to catch me soon. i suppose i should enjoy it while it lasts! i still have no 'puter at home, what a travesty. i can't wait to be connected 24/7. i have to admit, it is actually a blessing. i should really just shut off that DSL. 2.23.01 i have rediscovered streaming radio this week. i've been using the new itunes software from apple, and at first, i was just ripping some of my cds. then i started using napster. now i just want new music all the time and streaming radio is where it's at. gibberish radio has been absolutely awesome, with just the right sprinkling of the magnetic fields, one of my favorite bands. i feel like i have a lot of things on the horizon right now, which i consider to be a good feeling. there is a lot going on and the spring is coming and san francisco is beautiful. i need to work on taking some pictures. i have been thinking about some ideas lately, talking with friends about it. i love to photograph people, and usually the people i care about...but i think i need more of a challenge, especially since i am surrounded by so many new people and strangers. aside from that, there is a ton of things that i want to explore and create. and i want to find the others with whom i can collaborate and experience. we'll meet soon... 2.21.01 later i had lunch with some friends today. several times, we burst out laughing, laughing, laughing and laughing....shaking away all of the frustrations and sorrows of the day. we laughed our troubles away. it was wonderful and completely ridiculous. now try and use the word "flounder" as a verb. 2.21.01 someone painted outlines around the shadows of the bus shelters and the telephone poles on my street. i never notice them during the day, only at night when i walk home and the streetlights cast the long shadows on the sidewalk. i wonder who took the time to paint the outlines. it reminds me of my grandfather painting red, white, and blue bands around all of the telephone poles in the little town near mcKeesport, PA, where he lived. the year was 1976 and the country was celebrating the bicentennial. i don't remember these events, because i was in utero at the time. i do remember, as a child, walking about the town with my grandpa and he always told me the story about how he painted all the poles. he told me this as he waved to all the passers-by and called them by their name or by "buddy" or "mac." he seemed to know everyone, or want to know them. my grandfather died when i was 10 years old and his funeral was on my birthday. i remember him very fondly, his friendly nature, his industriousness, and the fascinating murals that he painted upon the basement walls. he was a steel worker, who had schooling up to eighth grade, and here he hid this secret artistic talent, probably never thinking that it really meant anything. it meant something to me. creativity! 2.20.01 out of town out of town, always nice to be out of town. i was a little disconnected for a while, which should explain my delay in updating. i am sure that you all really missed me. yeah right! i went back east to a new destination. i met some really cool people from points all over the world, gave away some butterflies, and took home a snorthog and a koala. if you understand any of that, then more power to you! i came home last night to find that familiar airmail envelope from kris in ireland. i miss that lanky fellow very much. i am going to post his address here so you can send him a letter if you choose, he loves to get mail: kris mininger leades house coachford co. cork ireland and to all of my friends all over the world, all over the U.S., and all over San Francisco, hope all is well. keep the circle going... later on.. i have been having some issues with film processing. for a long time, i used to send my photos to Clark Laboratories (in DC i think) and they would send me, at an amazing price, beautiful matte prints and a CD with fairly high resolution images of my prints for under $10. true, i usually had to wait about a week to receive my prints. but they never let me down. that is, until i moved to the west coast, and weeks and weeks would pass before my images came by mail. i am still waiting for the remainder of an order that i sent out in early-January! obviously, this is upsetting, but it really gets me because these images were ones that got me a little excited about photography again. and now they have gone missing, somewhere between the east coast and the west coast. on a possibly lighter note, i thought that i might try my hand at OFOTO, which i learned about through a friend and through amazon.com. OFOTO is similar to Clark in that you send them your negatives via the mail, free of charge -- with their special mailer envelope. once they have processed your film, at the price of $2.95 per roll, they post your photos online in an album so that you may see them at once and share them with others. here is the tricky part. in order to get actual paper prints, you need to order them online. my biggest complaint about this is that it wasn't until the moment that i had actual images to choose from did i learn how much each print would cost. it isn't written anywhere on their website, on the literature that they mail to your home -- i couldn't find it! so you want to know how much? 49 cents a print. i know that doesn't sound like a lot. unless of course, you do the math. a roll of 24 exposures would amount to $2.95 + (24 x $.49) = $14.71!!!! all this and you have to wait a week, too! that was quite a rant. expect more in the future. especially once my laptop arrives....yes, i am still waiting. p.s. walgreens only charges $6 bucks for one-hour processing. 2.9.01 it's raining, it's pouring..no, it's sunny! another typical day in san francisco.. i added some old photos from the summer to the photo section today. it was really nice to go through all of those images from so many different random events. eventually i will get most of the missing photos up, like the ones from brittney's wedding and joe's party. i get excited about new work, but i usually move on from my photos really quickly, then when some time passes, i miss them and want to put the effort into sharing them with others. i don't think there would even be enough space on here to display all of the photographs that i have taken over the years -- there are hundreds and hundreds and they are mostly black and white. i signed up for a photo class and i was really, really excited, but i went the other night and it was cancelled because not enough people signed up. i was pretty let down, especially since i wandered around aimlessly for an hour trying to find the school! hopefully, i will get my chance again and my photographic compatriates can join me. i like taking classes because i get feedback about what i am working on, i can see what kinds of things other people are seeing, and usually i can create a body of work in the form of installation or conceptual grouping. i really miss doing that. some friends and i have casually talked about organizing a group show by the summer. it is just a matter of finding the space, and of course, exerting all of the necessary energy and inspiration. that is the intent when meeting others, interacting, learning, exploring. something snapped and i saw that there really is opportunity around every corner, if you are willing to see it. and believe me, i sometimes forget. enjoy the weekend everyone... 2.8.01 hey hey, if you were keepin' it real in philly for the holidays, see if you made my growing assortment of pictures in the photo section, holiday 2001. "you're such a vivrant thing." --qtip 2.7.01 my sister is getting married, and i must say the preparations that go into this are completely and utterly ridiculous. i am seriously considering eloping, if i even marry at all. a lifetime of gay men seems a little bit more appealing to me right now. points of note: buy band-aids with designs on them, wear more color, and watch as many movies as possible. valuable words from a good friend: you are always where you should be, wherever you are 2.6.01 so i sez.....BANANAS! 2.5.01 there is no other way to be but to be totally random. i never mentioned that the other day i was walking down the street and a couple interesting things happened. i was walking to Pearl (art store) and this crazy woman started walking alongside me and she asked if she could walk with me. i turned to her and said "No." but she didn't listen, she kept walking with me. i tried to walk ahead of her, behind her, with other people, but i couldn't lose her! then i realized how funny the whole situation was and i just laughed. after a few blocks, i reached my destination. she kept walking but turned to me with a smile and said "Thanks!" the other neat thing i saw that day was a man with his 2 children sitting right on the curb on market street and they all had sketchbooks! there they were sitting in the middle of a bunch of traffic and excitement and they were drawing, capturing everything from a totally different perspective! it's kind of neat what you see when you open your eyes. 2.3.01 i ran some errands today, on this beautiful and warm day, and i opted not to listen to my headphones and instead hear what the city had to say to me. this might have been the first time i wanted to hear it. it was better than any music i could have been listening to. at least, that is what i choose to believe today. 2.2.01 here is something to be happy about, i just read that saturn.org will still be sticking around. i had heard from the owner that it might be going away for a little bit, but it looks like he can't stay away. many of you are reading this because you started with his site, so thanks again to jack. i hope things start looking up for him. **newsflash -- i kicked my own ass and modified this a bit. i can't wait to go see my sister in a week...we are going to have lots of fun. i also really miss my brother. it has been far too long since i have seen him and i totally flaked on his birthday and on christmas. i was a bad sister. i hope that i can make it up to him. that was extraneous information, but anyway, this stellargirl is a ranting and raving lunatic as many of you already know. but it is who i am, and i can live with it. have a groovy weekend! 2.1.01 welcome february! it's official, i now have health benefits. a new year, a new job. i had 5 jobs in 2000. i am hoping to have just one this year. tax time will undoubtedly be a challenge come april. as far as i can tell, i am in a good position, somehow managing to survive the dotcom shakeout happening in san francisco. kinda funny, if i didn't get my act together here, i would have just split and landed in some other mysterious destination. i am still kind of trying to figure out why i am here, and what i have here. that answer of course is one that will become more clear over time. and i am certain that when i do know why, i will pack up and put myself in this same situation in some other city. i suppose i like a challenge, or maybe i am just never satisfied -- a "hungry ghost" in the buddhist sense. i like this city a lot. there are so many hidden surprises here. even my fortunes in my fortune cookies seem to tell me a story, give me a hint about the future, and encourage me to enjoy this part of my life. Here is my (scorpio) horoscope for today, courtesy of apple.excite.com Discord between you and yours may have been going on a little bit too long. The both of you need to put your egos in the closet for a while and just get to know each other again. Being self-protective will only be counterproductive. honestly, i guess that really doesn't mean anything. (i'm lying) there are lots of surprises for all of you in the future. keep watching. april 2004 march 2004 february 2004 january 2004 december 2003 november 2003 october 2003 september 2003 summer 2003 may 2003 april 2003 march 2003 february 2003 january 2003 december 2002 november 2002 october 2002 september 2002 august 2002 summer 2002 april 2002 feb / march 2002 january 2002 december 2001 november 2001 sept / oct 2001 july / aug 2001 june 2001 may 2001 april 2001 march 2001 february 2001 january 2001 december 2000 november 2000 october 2000 september 2000 summer 2000 copyright © 2000-2005 - www.stellargirl.com